Medical Care

It is been almost a year since I posted last. Sorry for that. I have recently been inspired by some interesting cultural things to get back to the blog. Baby (see post from last March) is pregnant. She surprised me last May by showing up at my house married- out of the blue, just like that. And now she is 7 months pregnant, living in a shack with her husband who paints walls and only sometimes has work. She came from a poor family so poverty is nothing new to her, but she had higher hopes for her life. They barely make ends meet. Because they have no money to spare, Baby has to go to the government hospital for medical care. The service is cheap. 5 rupees (a dime) and you get everything but your medicine, but the care is awful. The hospital is crowded, dirty, understaffed, and the staff are under qualified. Baby talks to me about how she is afraid to give birth in that hospital. If a woman delivers naturally it is free, but if she needs a cesarean then they can charge for it. So most births are done by C-section. Not because it was necessary but because it was efficient and cost effective for the understaffed hospital. The women here don't have education to know about different stages of labor, so they will go into the hospital as soon as they have pain. If the woman isn't ready to deliver they will just force her to have a C-section because they can't afford to have someone in the hospital that long. Also- you have to provide everything for your care. All linens, all meds, all food, blood if needed...and don't expect nurses to come around and see if you need anything. You have to have a female friend or family member stay with you to care for you. Now, I don't always believe everything Baby tells me, but she told me that they also switch babies on people for money. One lady came into the hospital knowing that if she delivered a baby girl her husband would not allow to ever come home. When she found that she delivered a baby girl she paid a nurse to trade her baby with someone else's. So the nurse did it. While a lady was sleeping she took her baby boy and replaced it with a baby girl. The Woman who had paid the money quickly left with that baby boy before the other mother woke up. When the mom woke up she quickly noticed that her baby had changed genders and let everyone know about it. I don't know if she ever got her baby back, but the nurse was fired. I am so thankful that we have money to choose better healthcare, but even then the choices aren't the greatest here. There are very few real Doctors in our city and I don't really even trust them. I always check medicines on the internet and often determine it was the wrong one to prescribe. I am so thankful we haven't had any serious illnesses (though I would like to get to the bottom of my frequent colds). But anyway. Be thankful for the medical care you have. Sure it is expensive, but it is good. One more thing. Baby wants me to be at the hospital when she delivers her baby and help her know when it is time to go so that she can deliver naturally. We are scheduled to be out of country on her due date, so I hope that baby comes early.

House Hunters South Asia take Do (2)

House hunting the second time around My internet speed does not allow me to blog with very much design. Here are a few pictures from our house hunt. We saw one place that was so cool. It had dark wood built ins all through the house, wood beams, and the kitchen had a look through into the dining room. The outside had a beautiful garden, there was a preschool and a pediatrician right next door. But alas, it was too big for us. Other places we saw had fun colored walls, off centered tiles and fixtures, tacky built-ins, and no play outside area for the kids to play. Pictures of the place we chose will come later.

About Baby

Baby is my house helper. Her story is a common one. It is makes me have compassion on her and want to help her, yet at the same time, she is one of the fortunate ones. Born to a Muslim father and a Hindu mother, she is part of the muslim community, but she doesn't really fit in to either community and adheres to neither religion. She is the youngest of 4 daughters. Her father applied cement to the walls of buildings for a living and her mother was a domestic helper. Baby so desired to go to school that she enrolled herself in a government school when she was old enough and her father took on a second job as a truck driver. Baby had dreams of going to a private high school so that she could get a good job, but when her father died unexpectedly, she gave up on that dream. Shortly after her fathers death, her mother fell and dislocated her hip. The family could not afford medical care, so the three girls still in the home took care of her. Baby quit school when she was around 10 to go to work as a domestic helper. She was young and weak so she only took one job. As time passed, the neighbors were all after the older daughter to get married- she was getting too old and it wasn't right for her to be single. The family could not afford a dowery so they determined that she must work instead. In the mean time, the middle daughter ran off with a guy for a "love marriage". When the family insisted on a dowery, the community pitched in to provide what they could. Shorty after the marriage, the husband and in-laws started beating the sister severely because she did not conceive a child right away. The man tried to divorce her but the community would not allow it. Now she is 4 months pregnant but the husband gives her no money for food or medicine. She must live with her mother. So Baby alone works to support her mother and her pregnant sister. They get by on rations from the government of rice, oil, coal, wood (given at a discounted price). During the month if they have any needs Baby goes to a store and purchases food or medicine... on credit line, promising to pay when she gets paid at the end of the month. So when the end of the month comes she pays rent, pays off her debt, and is once again without money. Living hand to mouth. Baby normally walks 30 minutes to work without having eaten any breakfast. She goes to work for a woman who requires her to do the work of a full-time helper but only pays her the salary of one who sweeps, mops, and does the dishes. Baby has been taught to submit to her elders, so she does what she is told without demanding higher wages. The lady offers her no food or water to drink, so that by the time she reaches my house she is weary and weak. I am thankful that the Lord has put her in my life- to show her His love as no one else has done so before. I say that she is lucky because I know what life she could have. The men and boys in her neighborhood all accuse of being a "dirty girl", they suspect that she must be a prostitute- as no other women in her society go out for work. But what can she do- there are no men in her house. But she does not do "dirty" work. She is a hard worker, and earns an honest living. It is not what she had hoped for her life, but I believe that God has a purpose for her.

Getting Colorful with the Neighbors

This is our 4th Holi in South Asia, but our first time to actually participate. I remember our first Holi well because we were stuck inside a fifthly hotel, but that is another story. Our Apartment complex society really makes a big thing of Holi. March 5th they had a dinner together, then March 5th they had breakfast, played colors, and then lunch together. We though this would be a good opportunity to get to know our neighbors and show them that even though we are different, we want to be part of the society. Though there is a mythological story behind Holi, with some relation to a god, my neighbor friends couldn't agree on the details of it when they told me the story, so the story isn't a big deal to them. The important thing about Holi is having fun getting colorful. While JP and and Silas joined in on the water fight with the kids, Evelynn and I hung out with the ladies (though we kept a little distance when the colors went flying). Every lady down there greeted me with "Happy Holi!" as they spread colored powder on my face and dotted a little on Evelynn as well. When the music got loud they ladies started dancing all around and throwing colors while their husbands sat in chairs on the side watching. Because our society threw a big bash, two news channels showed up and we ended up being on the news as the token foreigners joining in on the celebration. We had a fun time, but it was lonely as well. There is nothing like a cultural event to make you feel like an outsider. I haven't had time to make a close enough friend to guide me through the festivities, so I remained mostly on the outside looking in. Hopefully next year we can look back and see how far we have come in being a part of our community and the relationships we have built.

Everyday: Transportation

First of all I am very thankful to say that we have a car! But I can't drive it. I have contemplated learning to drive it, but honestly it scares me. Every time I ride in the car I feel like we are going to hit a pedestrian, go off in a ditch, or get hit head on by a Tata truck and I don't want to be the one responsible for that- because let's face it- I am not the greatest driver in the world. So whenever I want to go somewhere without my husband I have a few options. When independence and close proximity are the name of the game, I go by bicycle. There would be nothing special about that except that all of my neighbors find it extremely strange that a fully grown woman who can afford a car would ride a bicycle (most of them drive scooters- scarey). They found it especially strange when I rode my bicycle while pregnant for "everyone knows that it can cause miscarriage". They also find it odd that I have a tendency to ride it in the hottest part of the day when no one else is on the streets. One lady told me that her kids asked her why American Auntie is able to go out in the sun. She said that it is because I come from someplace cold so I like the heat (ha). Really it is because that is when the kids are napping. One time I rode my bicycle with my Saree on and that was an interesting sight, but I will not be trying that again (sorry no picture). But my normal mode of transportation is by auto rickshaw. When I have both kids, Evelynn is strapped to me in the Ergo and Silas rides next to me. This again is very strange to the neighbors- most of them don't do it. Our gate keeper asked me why I take autos when we have a car and suggested that JP should always take me places (nevermind that he has to work). It generally costs me less than 2 dollars to go 4 km to the Walmartesque store. And really it isn't too bad as long as I am not pregnant or nursing a bad back. I call up my favorite auto driver a few minutes before I want to go anywhere and he shows up at me door 5 minutes later. Then I just catch some random auto driver when I want to come home. I do miss the independence of driving my own car, though I am a little nervous about driving in America in a month!

Every Day

I have been intending to start a new blog series for a while, and now that the a/c in the kids' room is fixed and we finally have office back, I have access to my computer at night. This series is about things I see and do every day. Partly to let others see what life in South Asia is like, and partly to help me remember. We are saying goodbye in about 2 weeks. I see this little farm everyday and I love it, for multiple reasons. We live on the outskirts of a growing capital city, and while new places of residence are going up all around us, this place keeps the village/farm feel alive. The land is about the length of 3 football fields and about that wide. All throughout the year the ground is growing something. These people are very economical and hard working. In rainy season rice grows. I love the color of fresh rice paddy. In winter corn, followed by wheat. I never really understood in 7 Brides for 7 Brothers when Adam said that Milly's hair was the color of wheat in the summer, but now I do. It reminds me of my daughter's hair. And now they have vegetables and greens. I love the little house. That blue color against the red dirt is a common site here.

Two Worlds

There are so many pictures I want to take and so many things that I want to write, and since I seldom sit down to the computer with calm around me, I write nothing. But today as I was eating dinner at a Western style restaurant called Mocha with my family I was so overwhelmed by the vast difference between the two worlds around me that I just had to write about it.
  One world is like the world I left behind (well kind of). Imagine the scene we saw at dinner tonight: A mom was setting up balloons in the restaurant for her 13 year old son's birthday party. She was wearing a satin designer kurta and high heel fashionable shoes on her manicured feet. As guests arrived in cars they all joined the other boys playing soccer in the field. The father in his jeans and branded polo shirt ordered food for the 20+ children. I would guess their bill tonight would be around Rs 6000 or $100 at least. That may not sound like a lot for a birthday party, but that is where the contrast comes in.
  Today my house helper took a series of public autos home from work. She sat in a 3 seater vehicle with 5-10 other people and her took her over an hour to get to her village. From there she walked home in her hand-me-down polyester kurta pajama suit and flip flops. When she arrived home to her 3 room, dirt house she immediately got to work doing chores. She had to pump water from her well in order to do the dishes, wash the clothes by hand, and take a bath. For dinner she probably made rice, daal, and some kind of vegetable. The rice she got on ration from the government and the daal she got with food stamps. Both of these she had to sift and clean to get rid of bugs, dirt...so that it would be acceptable to eat. Her family of 6 probably ate for less than $1 tonight. Tonight she will sleep under a mosquito net and pray that the power does not go out so that she can have a fun running to cool in her 90 degree room. She will never set foot in a place like Mocha not only because she can't afford it but because she would probably find it frivolous.
    I grew up in the first scenario and this to me represents a good percentage of Americans: drive a car, eat out at a restaurant at least once a week for $20 or so, go to birthday parties, wear new clothing, live in a house with running water, a flushing toilet, air-conditioner... Which is why it is so striking to me that this is the elite here- a very small percentage of the people and the majority are more like my house helper. And the two groups don't mix. Group A's children won't go to school with the children from Group B, and barring a miracle this separation will always be. Group A will always be served by group B, seeing themselves superior- and group B will continue to serve.
   As an outsider, the weird thing is that I can be in both groups. My best friend lives in a one-room flat. Her husband is a driver/preacher and she is a seamstress with very little work. They eat very simply, wear whatever is given to them, drive an old scooter and a bicycle, and pray for God's provision on a daily basis. For entertainment they do have a television, but mostly they sing praise songs together, draw, spend time together (when they have free time- which is rare). This is a life I little understand, and yet my eyes are being opened as I have been given the key to a woman's heart who is teaching me much about a world that is becoming my own.
   But at the same time, I can get dressed up in my nice department store suit, go to the mall, Mocha, movies...and meet a woman from the elite class who will quickly consider me her equal and worthy of her acquaintance (she doesn't know I really can't afford the things she can). And I can be interested in shopping and eating at nice places and traveling...and we could have a relationship too.
   In reality my world is somewhere in the middle of these two. Most of my neighbors have good jobs, half drive cars, some of them shop at the mall occasionally and most go out to a South Asian dinner on Sunday nights.