I LOVE Silas!

I did not want to wait. I wanted to get to Asia asap so that we could get settled, have normalcy, start learning the language, finally get to the place we have been longing to go... but God wanted us to wait. Sure God may have many different purposes for our delay, but one in my attitude toward Silas. It is hard for me to confess this, but I have had trouble really loving and appreciating my son. Sure, I love him to death because he is my son and he makes me smile, but whenever anyone said "isn't being a mother great!" (or something to that effect) all I could really do was shrug or say "I love Silas". I found that in the busyness of our life, of packing, moving, reading, writing papers, going to class, applying for visas, traveling, trying to say goodbye and make new relationships... I viewed Silas as more of a burden or responsibility than as a blessing and a joy. For two months I was separated from Silas from 9-3 while I was in class, and until he went to bed 8 it seems that I always had something that needed to get done that would have been so much easier without Silas. Don't get me wrong, I loved him and I was thankful for him, but I looked forward to easier times and thought about all the things I was missing.

Had we gone straight to Asia, it would have been the same thing there. I would be in language school and Silas would be with a sitter and I would be so busy doing other things that I would miss out on just enjoying my son.

But God had other plans- for the past month, other than packing, Silas has pretty much been my only responsibility. There have been no deadlines, no classes to attend, no dinner to cook, very little cleaning...and I have been able to play with Silas. I have observed him, learned what he really likes, how to make him laugh... He is such a blessing!

I know that I am biased, but I think I have the most precious baby in the world. Silas has a smile that lights up the room and could turn any frown upside down. If Silas smiled any wider it would not fit on his little round face. I love going into his room in the morning or after a nap and seeing his huge smile and big blue eyes looking up at me. It is amazing to see how his face lights up when I walk in the room (especially when he is hungry) and hear him coo and sing. Silas is so energetic, so happy, so expressive, I enjoy and cherish him so much. he is a treasure and I thank God for him.