There is a pride I must let go of if I want to thrive in my new country, if I want to find joy in my role as mommy. I pride myself if in my ability to succeed at school, to be at the top of the class, to know my way around, to be on top of things. I pride myself if my ability to learn language and adapt to new cultures quickly… and that has made me somewhat of a perfectionist. It has made me set too high of expectations for myself. I am not a single, carefree 22 year-old anymore.
I cried today during my Hindi lesson and my sweet little teacher gave me much wisdom. She said that I should not expect to learn so many words and things so quickly- just get a few things and you should be pleased with your progress. It is ok to not know it all yet. She said that God knows my heart's desire to learn the language and He will help me, but my first responsibility is to my precious child. Silas' soul is the one that I am to nurture first.
Yes I knew these things, but it is still so easy for me to put pressure on myself to perform. But God doesn't want me to put pride in myself and my abilities, even if he did give me those abilities. God wants me to find my strength in Him, to depend on Him, to cast all of my anxieties on Him. I am having a difficult time finding a balance here in my new life, but I must take it one day at a time, or maybe one hour at a time and God will provide the strength and the time to do what needs to be done.
1 comment:
Love this! Thanks for sharing. :-)
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