Learning Hospitality Asia Style

The more time I am here the more I am learning that what I thought was hospitality is not true hospitality.  In America I thought it was fun to hostess-ie- plan an event, set a date and time, cook, decorate, entertain...by invitation...but I have come to learn that this is not hospitality in its fullest form.  I have learned from two weeks of observing people that true hospitality is unexpected, spontaneous, flexible...
    Imagine it is 4:00pm and you have just started preparing things to cook dinner (which takes a long time because it is all from scratch) and there is a knock at the door from guests who plan to stay and talk a while.  What do you do?  Or the kicker, what do you think in your heart?  Hospitality stops what you are doing and gives full attention to your guest, meeting their needs, getting them water, chai, snacks, and then sitting with them to talk.  Hospitality never looks at the clock to think, "oh I wish they would leave soon so that I could get dinner cooked".  Hospitality keeps offering more.  So at 5:30 or 6 when your guests leave it is finally time to cook dinner, and a 6 o'clock meal becomes an 8 o'clock meal... (This is a true story)
    I have observed this a lot over the past few weeks.  An unexpected visitor will come to the door- they are invited in and offered water, snacks, chai, and full attention is given to them.  It doesn't matter what is on the to-do-list, right now your guest is your priority.  The past two weeks I have been a guest in other people's homes and I have certainly observed true hospitality.  Not only do they let us stay in their homes for free but they serve us with happy hearts.  Our national hostess prepared food early just for us because she knew we weren't used to eating at 9:30, she did our laundry (even though I tried to do it myself), helped make special food for Silas, and the couple gave up their bedroom for us so that we could have an a/c and western toilet.  And they didn't seem to begrudge it at all. 
   I am learning that much of my time here is going to be spent being hospitable.  Taking time to be ready for whoever comes our way, planning my day in such a way that I can be flexible, teaching my heart to not have an agenda but to just love people.  I am also finding that my schedule would be less interupted if I adjust to local time of eating.  Then I wouldn't have to worry about people coming over while I am cooking dinner during the local tea/visiting time.  But it is a big adjustment and something we will have to figure out with our family.  Anyway, I so want my heart to be right in hospitality and not just my actions. 

House Hunters International

HGTV would have a blast here. Day 1 of our house hunt we looked at 5 places. The first one was in an unfinished neighborhood and we would be the very first to move in. It was a two-story "bungalow" with about 1200 sq/ft and every bedroom had a pink wall. My favorite thing about this place was that it had an American style playground and a running trail. 

The 2nd place we looked at was an apartment complex right next door- also brand new but there were some people already living there.  It was 1415 sq/ft, had a small walk in pantry, and a window seat in the master bedroom.  I liked this place because it has a safe one-story layout and didn't need any work done.  (These two places are far from a market which was a big downside).  #3- In the middle of town, close to the biggest vegetable market in town, 10 years old, termite problems, open spaces in the ceiling that went who knows where, a shared balcony,- but a spacious kitchen.  (All 3 of these places were $200 a month). 

#4 On the outskirts of town close to a village, and wheat field, a water tower, and a market.  Around 1560 sq/ft, $170 a month, two story.  It needs a lot of work, the kitchen is a little smaller, but it has a good community feel and a good landlord.  #5- We found an add in the newspaper for a place in the part of town I liked, but ended up winding back to the worse part of the neighborhood.  The place had 3 bedrooms, 2 eastern toilets, cement floors, and very small living space.  We did not spend much time looking at this place.

Day 2- In the morning we drove out to the west side of town to look at a place we had seen from the road.  AMAZING.  The main office had squash courts, and a kids play room in the lobby.  The facilities have a skating rink, movie theater, several kids play places, a few swimming pools, putting place, basketball, running trail, and several other things.  They also have centralized AC in some flats.  Of course this place was not finished yet and way beyond our budget.  Then we went with an agent to view two places closer to the center of town.  They were both about 5 years old and and both over $300/mo.  The 1st one had a fairly nice kitchen, but it was dirty.  It was in a nice apartment complex with a gym.  The 2nd one was more like a downtown type of apartment right on a street with a lot going on, but did not have  good play area for Silas.  This was the only place we looked at with cabinets already in the kitchen and it was a big kitchen too, but it was expensive and not a very good floor plan.   The next day was Sunday so we did not get to look at any places (see previous post). 

On Monday we looked at a few places close to #4.  The first one only had 2 bedrooms so we didn't really consider it.  The second one was seriously out in the middle of nowhere.  It had one bathroom outside under the stairs to the roof and one bathroom inside with an eastern toilet.  It was very small and each room was painted a different bright color with pinstripes. 

The 3rd place we looked at was really nice, but over our square footage allowance and also out in the middle of nowhere. 

And that is enough for now.  To be continued..

House Hunting

I could write a short book on our cross-cultural house hunting experience, but I will just do one story for now.  I found an apartment complex that I liked that is close to a market, a main road with transportation, shopping, an orphanage, language route possibilites... and has a children's play area, a residential carpenter, and beauty salon.  Normally you should go to a complex with an agent, but we just pulled up on Sunday afternoon and asked the gate guard if there were any places for rent.  He introduced us to the Society President (home owners association) who is an elected official and has some clout.  He talked to us for a while, was greatly impressed by our ability to communicate in his language, and then invited us up to see his apartment and drink chai.  He invited us to come back the next day at 1 for lunch and then he would also show us an apartment.
     So, we showed up a little after 1 on Monday and sat around his apartment chatting with neighbors while food was prepared.  Then all of the guests (4 of us) sat down at the table and the neighbor girls and the Society President served us lunch of Dal, rice, Aloo Ghobi (potato and cauliflower), yogurt stuff, and Roti with homemade ghee (we ate it all with our hands).  After we finished the SP and his male neighbor friends sat at the table and asked me and the lady with us to serve them their food.  Once we had finished eating we sat around, men on one side and women on the other, and talked about cultural things while we waited for the supervisor to come show us some flats.  The college aged girls were so nice and told us that we had to move here and how great the apartment was (which by the way was really nice).  At 3:30 or so we found out that he could not show us a flat that day but we could come back the next day at 5.
      So, Tuesday around 5:15 (we had another appointment to go to before that) we showed up and he was not there.  So while we were waiting a lady came down from her apartment and invited us up to her place.  So we went up there and she served us snacks and warm milk with sugar (I can't drink tea or coffee) and then showed us her place and the empty flat next to hers.  Some girls came in and told us about a flat for rent and then we went down and met the SP.  The SP told us there are no flats for rent and offered to take us to another place to rent but we had had enough, so we left. 
      It was very strange, but we assume that they just did not want foreigners to move in.  The society is all Punjabi and Veg, and we are non-veg Americans.  Even though all of the women and children we met wanted us to move in, aparently the men disagreed, so the door was closed. 

Hosting Customs

As we prepare to leave our current residence tomorrow, we have been inundated with invitations for dinner and lunch.  Some of these invitations were from other expats, but most of them were from our Indian friends- and it has highlighted to me a few of the differences between our customs and those of our host country.  So let me paint two contrasting pictures for you. 
     Dinner #1
               We are asked to arrive after 7:30 pm.  When we arrive dinner is almost ready and we are directed to sit around the coffee table while the husband talkes with us and the wife and two daughters finish things in the kitchen (though the two daughters came out occasionally to talk and to entertain Silas).  They bring the covered dishes out one at a time and place them on the coffee table next to the stack of plates.  Once all of the food is out, the father prays (this is a Christian family), and we are given a plate and directed to serve ourselves.  On the table: fried basmati rice, curried-bone-in Chicken cut into pieces, butter paneer, beets, cucumber and tomato marinated salad, daal, and a special imitation enchilada stuffed with potato (an aside: the hostess is a chef and her food is really good!).  As we eat the wife is still in the kitchen and only the father and oldest daughter are eating with us.  The other daughter is serving us and helping with Silas, who was not the easiest to do with with the food all at easy grab level.  The wife came out and chatted some to make sure that the food was ok and that we had everything we needed.  JP stuffed himself, I had plenty even though Silas succeeded in kicking my plate off the table, and then it was time for dessert.  Fresh Gilebis with Dahi (a gilebi is like a funnel cake except crispy and very sweet and dahi is plain yogurt).  The wife and other daughter at after we left.

Dinner #2
         We were asked to arrive at 6pm.  When we arrived the dinner was almost ready and the table was in the process of being set.  While we waited for dinner, we all hung near the kitchen to chat and help the wife with the last minute details like filling water cups... When dinner was all ready and on the table, we all sat down, the husband blessed the food, and then we passed the dishes around the table to serve ourselves.  On the table: Gumbo, rice, fresh veggies with dip.  We all talked and after we had finished, dessert was served - peanut butter bars and coffee.  After dinner we sat in the living room and talked until our auto came to pick us up at 7:45. 

    The thing that stands out to me the most about the differences between the two dinners if the relationship between the wife and her guests.  It is pretty much the norm here that the wife (and other women of the home) do not eat with the guests, but wait and eat the leftovers.  This is sad to me.  It is also a little awkward because I have to eat with the men.  At another dinner we went to the women of the house were eating at the same time, but they were sitting on the bed in the other room while we ate around the coffee table with the men.  I have found however that this is not always the case.